Well, perhaps not ever having anyone read this is not such a terrible thing. Makes it more like my own private diary that way.
But with just a little more accountability.
After all, someone MIGHT stumble upon this someday.
Anyway.
I'm having a moment of hopelessness again.
I had a bad headache today.
And I had one Monday.
On Monday, I was at work when it started and in the middle of something so I quickly took my Relpax. It made me feel like shit, but the headache eventually faded away.
Yesterday I felt twinges, but nothing developed.
Today started out okay. I went to work, felt a little sinus-y, but had misplaced my sinus meds. When I left for lunch, my head was starting to hurt, but it still didn't seem definite that I was headed down the migraine highway.
I went home, had lunch, did a few little household tasks and finally manged to dig up the sinus stuff, which I took. It was time for me to get back to work, but my head was really starting up. I thought I'd lay down for just a minute and let the meds kick in, and I fell asleep. When I woke, it was past two, and my head was pounding.
I was still in denial about it, though. I decided I should try a warm saline nasal wash -- which helped one other time when it was a sinus type thing.
I really felt this headache was related to a low pressure system, so somehow I thought that meant it would be more easily curable or something.
Anyway.
I did the nasal wash and lay back down.
By this time it was getting on in the afternoon and I still hadn't gotten back to work.
I didn't have anything due today, so possibly Dan didn't even notice I wasn't there, but it was worrisome. I just felt too embarrassed to call after all that time. I hate telling them I have a headache anyway. Always feel like they don't believe me.
I felt like I shouldn't take the Relpax again so soon, but when it really started to kick in, I just couldn't face the pain. So I took it.
Nothing happened. I thought I waited too long. I was reading, which I can actually do in all but the very worst episodes. It isn't actually pleasant, but it passes the time.
And I try not to go to sleep late in the afternoon, because I tend to be a bit insomniac, and late napping is usually not a good idea.
But I began to feel very sleepy, and the pain was very unpleasant, so I let myself fall asleep. I don't know what time it was, but I woke up after 7 p.m. -- and the pain was mostly gone.
THANK GOD.
But as always, when I have headaches close together like that, it makes me start to worry that they're going to become a daily event and then what will I do?
I worry about not being able to do my job, taking too much time off, getting fired -- that kind of thing.
Then what will I do?
I'm so grateful when I don't have a headache, when I feel well and can do the things I need to do. Sometimes all this just seems like a nightmare to me.
Did I already mention that I feel this is my punishment for having lived too long? In another time, I might have died in childbirth.
Or maybe I could just be some recluse in a back room, high on laudanum most of the time. I guess I still have that option -- I could go to my mothers house, get addicted to narcotic prescription pain killers, etc.
It scares me.
All this because of a stupid headache.
