What to do...

Headache today.
Trying not to take Relpax and I might have waited too long for it to be any use anyway.
I had a big day of Getting Things Done planned.
I've been busy with one project and another on the weekends the past few months and my apartment shows it. It's been bugging me, so I made an ambitious to-do list this morning.
I got a few things checked off, and was on my way to drop off recycling and Goodwill donations and pick up cedar sachets so I could put away my winter clothes. But my head was starting to hurt.
As usual, deciding what to do was not easy.
My first impulse was to continue what I had planned, and take Relpax if it seemed like things were getting out of hand. After all, I had some good Getting Things Done momentum going on.
But then I thought maybe I should go pick up the cedar sachets on my bike. Exercise sometimes helps and even if it doesn't, it's always good to get in a work out... right?
So I went and it was good to be on my bike, even though the pain didn't abate much if at all.
On my way home, the dilemma intensified.
I knew if I was going to take it, I would have to take it soon.
But sometimes the exercise cure takes a little time to work.
So I got home and poured a glass of water and sat on the back steps pondering the question.
Maybe it doesn't seem like much of a dilemma to anyone else, but I really don't like taking Relpax, (except for the getting rid of the headache part) because of the side effects; I don't think I should take Relpax, because the side effects make me worry that it's doing something bad to me in the long term; and then of course there is the issue of rebound headaches, which makes me avoid taking it if I possibly can.
So here I am. My head hurts and I was planning to go to a party tonight.
Bummer.
On the bright side, there's a very pleasant breeze blowing in my window for mid-June in Southeast Texas...
If I thought anyone was reading this, I'd ask you to send me healing energy or pray for me or whatever sort of positive thinking you prefer.
I'll take whatever goodness the universe has to offer.

Potatoes, turnips

I have a very slight headache right now that wouldn't be worth mentioning, except that I've had it for about the past three days.
Not really sure what's up, but I also haven't slept very well all week. Sunday night I had very restless legs (but maybe that's a subject for another blog...)
I don't know if it's my hormones being all kooky and shit or what, but it's worrisome.
I'm glad it's (so far) stayed a mild pain, but -- I guess my fear is that the wild yam, which has been so very good, is losing its effectiveness, or maybe the hormones are dropping even more and the wild yam just can't fight it any more.
I'm trying not to indulge my fears.

A week ago on Monday I had a pretty bad migraine. I was at work and trying to finish up a story -- it wasn't a very difficult story, so I thought I could get it knocked out and get home and chill out and maybe everything would be fine. It's not like I can always tell how bad it's going to be, so I was being optimistic about it.
But I just started feeling worse and worse.
I finished the story and lurched to the ladies room and puked my guts out.
As I think I've said before, I really dislike throwing up, tho I did feel a tiny bit better afterward, but mainly it makes me feel oddly better psychologically.
It's that thing I think other migraine sufferers deal with -- people around us seem to think we're faking it or something, but projectile vomiting (which I'm fairly sure this was) is difficult to fake.

Anyway, it was all pretty miserable.

Just writing about it is making my head hurt.

There's another thing I haven't really addressed here -- superstition.

There was a time I used to call headaches "potatoes" -- or was it "turnips" -- because I was afraid just by saying the name I would somehow bring one on. Kind of a giving it the power of the word type of thing.

Fun with riddles!

Q: How are headaches like potato chips?
A: It's impossible to stop at just one, no matter how much you want to!

Okay, not such a funny joke.
Saturday, the day of my last post, the Relpax never really did the trick. I suspect it kept the migraine from developing to its full, vomit-inducing potential, but it was still bad enough that I spent most of the day -- from about 2 p.m. on -- laying in bed, sleeping off and on and reading when I could.

Sunday was okay. I woke and rose from bed rather gingerly, waiting to see what my head was going to do. There was a bit of an ache, but I think it was mainly a leftover kind of deal. So I went about my day, got some things done, laundry, dishes, feeding the plants. I even went out for a bit in the late afternoon to fulfill a social obligation.

But by about 8 p.m., a very definite pain was developing. Hoping for the best, I went to bed about 11. When I got up to pee around 5 a.m., it seemed like everything was fine.

I woke around 8 a.m. and lay in bed reading for nearly an hour. By the time I got up it was clear that the headache was still hanging around making a nuisance of itself.

I have so many things I wanted to get done today. If I take the Relpax, I might dodge the pain, but it usually zaps any motivation. If I don't... well, who really knows?

The trouble is, if I'm going to have any reasonable expectation of the Relpax working, I have to take it before I eat. But that means I either have to fast until I decide it's warranted, or take it before I'm really even sure I need to.

Honestly, I think one of the most annoying things about my migraines is all the choices I have to make. I'm really not very good at decisions.

This morning I said to Hell with it and took a risk.

I decided to see if I could knock the sucker out with exercise before I gave in and drank the Koolaid (so to speak).

I needed fuel to exercise, and I decided a smoothie might be a good compromise. Unfortunately, all I had was chocolate soy milk (bought in a weak moment, it has been sitting in my fridge unopened for months). Now, I don't think chocolate is a "trigger" for me, but since it is for some people, I'm a little superstitious about it (another bad effect of migraines on me -- I've been meaning to write about that for a while now -- sigh...)

But by this point I was all gung-ho on my plan. I'd made a decision and I wasn't going to be derailed by details.

I made the smoothie, laced up my running shoes and headed out into the sultry late Southeast Texas spring. I decided to walk at a brisk pace to a running/walking track about a mile or so from my house, run around that, maybe twice, then run home.

On the way there, I could already tell that my body was not really up for a run. For one thing, I'd strained my back a bit hauling around bags of mulch for my garden and shoveling the same.
So as I was passing the nearly empty parking garage at St. E, I had a brilliant idea: I'd walk up the levels -- it would be nearly as strenuous as running, but without the impact.

So I did that. Just to up the ante, I even walked up the stairs a time or two. Then I continued on to the walking track, breaking into a low jog once or twice, then backing down when my lower back throbbed in protest. All through this, my head still hurt.

I got home and it still hurt.

Paid some bills, sorted through some papers -- still hurts.

Well, I tried.

I think the exercise cure works best for tension headaches -- though I was really hoping a good endorphin release might do the trick. Maybe I didn't go long enough or hard enough, but it was getting rather hot and exhausting myself in the heat might backfire and just make it worse.

So now I'm back to square one. Take the Relpax? Or risk it?

And on the 26th day...

A headache.
I'm inclined to be a little superstitious. Surely I brought it on crowing about not having one for nearly a month.
But it's really not that uncommon for me to have a headache around "that time of the month." And I don't think I helped matters by getting up before 7 this morning to go pick up another load of mulch for my garden (which I now don't feel up to working in, alas).
I took a nap hoping for the best, but woke up with that nagging pain just starting up.
I waited perhaps too long to take Relpax and now I'm wondering if it's going to kick in at all. I should have taken it before I ate, because food seems to slow its absorption, but I hoped that eating would help.
Feel nauseated, the pain ramping up.
Really not too much to say about it. I'm grateful -- I really am -- that I had 25 days blissfully headache-free. But the truth is, I'd rather never have one at all...
I promised a friend I'd go to his play tonight and I stood him up for lunch yesterday, so I'm hoping the Relpax will do its trick.

25 days (and counting)

Don't really have time for a proper post -- tons to do at work today so I mustn't dawdle (is it just me or am I sounding oddly British all of a sudden?) but I just wanted to say: 25 days all but headache free! (I might have had one or two rather mild pains in that time -- but nothing worth mentioning)
Don't know why -- I'm just grateful.

Woe ballet

Gosh, it's been a while, hasn't it?
My reading public must be sooooo disappointed.
That's a joke, btw.
Anyway.
I've been doing pretty well the past couple of months.
A regimen of wild yam extract, multivitamins and Zicam allergy spray has been keeping things on an even keel.
For now.
The past few days have been a little rocky, but I attribute that to my impending cycle and overdoing it a bit.
Seems like I can't push myself the way I once did without some kind of backlash.
I took Relpax today. I was trying hard not to.
My head started to hurt yesterday while I was on the plane. By the time I was driving home (after a brief, yet possibly overlong stop at the Galleria) it had gotten fairly unpleasant -- though nothing compared to the one I had that day driving back from NOLA. It remained at the same unpleasant level until bedtime, and resumed when I got up this morning.
It might have stayed that way for the rest of the day. Or it could have escalated to a full blown migraine or maybe it just would have faded away.
I still mourn the days when I could pretty much count on a night's sleep to drive away any headache, no matter how bad.
Anyway, I sat on my bed for a long moment with the Relpax blister pack in my hand making up my mind to take it. I felt my only choices were to take it or call in sick, because I could not face going to work with that shrill migrainous shriek in my head.
So I took it. It worked about as well as it usually does. I was a little tired, slightly spacey, but nothing I couldn't deal with.
I'd been dreading going back to work after 10 days off, but it wasn't so bad.
But where am I going with this?
I had about three headaches last week, which is really kind of a lot when you think about it.
I decided I should make an appearance here, for some reason.
I wish I had some startling insight or other to disseminate here to make it worth someone's while to stop by. But perhaps it hardly matters. Doesn't seem like anyone's reading anyway.
I know, poor me.
Such a sad tale of woe.
Woe ballet, as Emily used to say.
But I don't feel too bad now.
My head does not hurt for the moment and it's a rather pretty evening outside -- the wind is blowing and splashes of distant lightning spice things up a bit.
Mango is sitting in the open window, and despite my sadness at leaving California, it's peaceful and even rather pleasant to be in my apartment. Whatever else about my life is dissatisfying, I do like my little place.

Reading Jane Austen and writhing in pain

Well, perhaps not ever having anyone read this is not such a terrible thing. Makes it more like my own private diary that way.
But with just a little more accountability.
After all, someone MIGHT stumble upon this someday.
Anyway.
I'm having a moment of hopelessness again.
I had a bad headache today.
And I had one Monday.
On Monday, I was at work when it started and in the middle of something so I quickly took my Relpax. It made me feel like shit, but the headache eventually faded away.
Yesterday I felt twinges, but nothing developed.
Today started out okay. I went to work, felt a little sinus-y, but had misplaced my sinus meds. When I left for lunch, my head was starting to hurt, but it still didn't seem definite that I was headed down the migraine highway.
I went home, had lunch, did a few little household tasks and finally manged to dig up the sinus stuff, which I took. It was time for me to get back to work, but my head was really starting up. I thought I'd lay down for just a minute and let the meds kick in, and I fell asleep. When I woke, it was past two, and my head was pounding.
I was still in denial about it, though. I decided I should try a warm saline nasal wash -- which helped one other time when it was a sinus type thing.
I really felt this headache was related to a low pressure system, so somehow I thought that meant it would be more easily curable or something.
Anyway.
I did the nasal wash and lay back down.
By this time it was getting on in the afternoon and I still hadn't gotten back to work.
I didn't have anything due today, so possibly Dan didn't even notice I wasn't there, but it was worrisome. I just felt too embarrassed to call after all that time. I hate telling them I have a headache anyway. Always feel like they don't believe me.
I felt like I shouldn't take the Relpax again so soon, but when it really started to kick in, I just couldn't face the pain. So I took it.
Nothing happened. I thought I waited too long. I was reading, which I can actually do in all but the very worst episodes. It isn't actually pleasant, but it passes the time.
And I try not to go to sleep late in the afternoon, because I tend to be a bit insomniac, and late napping is usually not a good idea.
But I began to feel very sleepy, and the pain was very unpleasant, so I let myself fall asleep. I don't know what time it was, but I woke up after 7 p.m. -- and the pain was mostly gone.
THANK GOD.
But as always, when I have headaches close together like that, it makes me start to worry that they're going to become a daily event and then what will I do?
I worry about not being able to do my job, taking too much time off, getting fired -- that kind of thing.
Then what will I do?
I'm so grateful when I don't have a headache, when I feel well and can do the things I need to do. Sometimes all this just seems like a nightmare to me.
Did I already mention that I feel this is my punishment for having lived too long? In another time, I might have died in childbirth.
Or maybe I could just be some recluse in a back room, high on laudanum most of the time. I guess I still have that option -- I could go to my mothers house, get addicted to narcotic prescription pain killers, etc.
It scares me.
All this because of a stupid headache.