Cold apple juice tastes like nectar at the end of a 48 hour attack.
The only emotion stronger than the absolute terror of the (inevitable) next attack is the utter joy of not being in pain. Of being free to walk around, talk to people, eat, go online, do the 1,001 things that add up to so little, but mean so much.
I haven't been here in a while.
Unfortunately, it isn't because I've found a cure, or maybe just gotten through this long, painful season of migraine.
I could speculate about why, but who really cares?
It was the taste of that apple juice last night, drunk standing in the light of the open refrigerator door, that inspired this. I've seldom tasted anything so perfect.
But does it make the hours of immobilizing pain, nausea and vomiting somehow worthwhile? Oh Hell No.
But -- I guess it's something.
Today when I got to work I was still in recovery mode. I think it's more the dehydration and the fact of not having eaten anything for a couple of days than any lingering effects of the tumult in my head -- but my head did feel slightly odd.
The best way I can describe it was it felt borrowed -- like an unfamiliar car I'm slightly nervous about driving.
I don't know what else to say.
In between the last time I posted here and now, I've read Andrew Levy's migraine memoir, "A Brain Wider Than the Sky."
I had every intention of reviewing it here, as none of the reviews on Amazon quite expressed my feelings about the book. Some liked it and identified it ("Oh my God I have migraines too and it was so great to find someone who understands!") some objected to the flowery language and others were disappointed because they didn't find any new remedies between its covers.
The flowery language didn't bother me (mostly) and a lot of the historical stuff was pretty interesting, but I found the book increasingly difficult to keep reading.
I felt challenged to, oh, I don't know, accept my migraines find some higher meaning or purpose to them, go out and write a heartbreaking work of staggering genius (sorry Dave Eggers) -- and it was hard.
As it to do much of anything when under siege of the big M.
I mostly just hate and fear them, it, whatever.
What I was thinking this time was how much it felt like being held hostage. Held hostage by something that hated me.
I remember, in a half asleep state, suddenly thinking that the problem was this body -- get rid of the body and I'd be fine! That seemed like a brilliant solution in my half dreaming daze. The idea has merit, as anyone who suffers migraines could attest.
I like the way Joan Didion puts it best: "That no one dies of migraine is, to someone in the midst of an attack, an ambiguous blessing." That might not be the exact wording, but I know it's close.
But then, also, given the way I twist and dodge to avoid them, with whatever arsenal of drugs and other devices (more about that later... oh soooo much more)its arrival felt like -- like some profound, implacable fact that I continue to avoid.
Levy said mysterious and cryptic things to the effect of migraine being somehow intentional, being a messenger of some sort -- of being purposeful.
Well, lets just say I took all that with a grain of salt. Having frequent, severe migraine can make you a little goofy. Toward the end of this last bout I remember thinking that I would lose my sanity if it went on another day. I also recall thinking that I was probably being dramatic, but seriously, the severity and duration of the pain... it's hard to imagine not being on some level fundamentally altered by it.
But -- as I was saying, I did start to wonder if there were some psychic source of this hideous malady. If I were indeed somehow bringing it on myself by my actions or lack thereof. If it did indeed have some agenda, something to teach me.
If so, couldn't it just send an email?
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Weird new pains
Well, sadly, the beneficial effects of the CoQ10 seem to be ebbing -- as everything else that ever helped seems to have done eventually. I got two-three good months out of it, so I guess that's something. Also, I'm not sure if it helped with my chronic low-grade depression or if that came about because of the relief from pain...
Anyway, today has been, well, not terrible, but just kind of trying.
I had a fun assignment out at a wildlife refuge for most of the morning, but the whole time had the nagging throb of a threatening headache that skimmed a bit of the fun off the surface.
By the time I got back to the office, the signs were unmistakable and it was time to take maxalt. I got it out of my purse and held the packet in my hand, sat there looking at it and thinking about how much I hated the way it made me feel and set it down on my desk. I thought, "well, maybe nothing much will come of it, and if it does, I'll just call in sick tomorrow if I have to. I still have one sick day left to get me through to April 1, when the clock starts again on sick time (yeah, I know, that's a strange timetable for sick time -- too complicated to explain).
But it kept intensifying and thinking about how much worse a full blown migraine feels than the unpleasant side effects of triptan drugs finally persuaded me to just take the damn thing. I did, but when it hadn't had much effect in an hour, I started to think maybe I'd waited too long and braced myself for the onslaught.
It never quite came. I went home and laid on my bed for a while and felt things shifting about inside my skull. Couldn't tell quite what direction things were headed. Now, a couple hours later, I'm feeling the sensations of the maxalt starting to work -- but there's something slightly worrisome: I'm feeling this weird pain at the back of my head, starting near the top and kind of branching down the sides. Not sure what that is and it's something new.
Anyway, it's disappointing about the coQ10 -- I really hoped that might be of some lasting benefit, but I'm back in one of those phases where I've been fighting a headache for about the past 10 days and I start getting worn out with it and worrying about how much worse things might get. I hate myself for all my worrying. It doesn't help anything, and in fact probably makes it worse.
As I said, I'm looking into another option, but I haven't had a chance to get around to making an entry about it here. I will, I promise. But in the meantime, here's a link to a news story about it:
http://www.mlive.com/living/kalamazoo/index.ssf/2009/10/nerve-stimulation_implants_eas.html
Anyway, it seems a little extreme, but I can't say as I really feel that great about taking triptans 10-15 times a month. The literature that comes with the prescriptions says something about an increased risk of stroke, which is something that concerns me.
Soooo... I will try to get to that post about neurostimulation soon, I promise, oh my vast audience of avid followers!
Anyway, today has been, well, not terrible, but just kind of trying.
I had a fun assignment out at a wildlife refuge for most of the morning, but the whole time had the nagging throb of a threatening headache that skimmed a bit of the fun off the surface.
By the time I got back to the office, the signs were unmistakable and it was time to take maxalt. I got it out of my purse and held the packet in my hand, sat there looking at it and thinking about how much I hated the way it made me feel and set it down on my desk. I thought, "well, maybe nothing much will come of it, and if it does, I'll just call in sick tomorrow if I have to. I still have one sick day left to get me through to April 1, when the clock starts again on sick time (yeah, I know, that's a strange timetable for sick time -- too complicated to explain).
But it kept intensifying and thinking about how much worse a full blown migraine feels than the unpleasant side effects of triptan drugs finally persuaded me to just take the damn thing. I did, but when it hadn't had much effect in an hour, I started to think maybe I'd waited too long and braced myself for the onslaught.
It never quite came. I went home and laid on my bed for a while and felt things shifting about inside my skull. Couldn't tell quite what direction things were headed. Now, a couple hours later, I'm feeling the sensations of the maxalt starting to work -- but there's something slightly worrisome: I'm feeling this weird pain at the back of my head, starting near the top and kind of branching down the sides. Not sure what that is and it's something new.
Anyway, it's disappointing about the coQ10 -- I really hoped that might be of some lasting benefit, but I'm back in one of those phases where I've been fighting a headache for about the past 10 days and I start getting worn out with it and worrying about how much worse things might get. I hate myself for all my worrying. It doesn't help anything, and in fact probably makes it worse.
As I said, I'm looking into another option, but I haven't had a chance to get around to making an entry about it here. I will, I promise. But in the meantime, here's a link to a news story about it:
http://www.mlive.com/living/kalamazoo/index.ssf/2009/10/nerve-stimulation_implants_eas.html
Anyway, it seems a little extreme, but I can't say as I really feel that great about taking triptans 10-15 times a month. The literature that comes with the prescriptions says something about an increased risk of stroke, which is something that concerns me.
Soooo... I will try to get to that post about neurostimulation soon, I promise, oh my vast audience of avid followers!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Coenzyme Q10
I thought, for the sake of my fellow sufferers out there (none of whom seem to be reading me, but oh well) I'd talk a little about Coenzyme Q10, which has improved my quality of life lately. I superstitiously fear to say anything in case I somehow jinx myself -- but just in case it could help anyone else, I feel obliged to put in my two cents on the subject.
I have other things going on -- other treatments I'm looking into, but I'll try to get to that soon. Hopefully I will have good things to report -- but there are tedious complications to getting cleared through insurance etc. and I don't feel up to delving into all that in my currently scattered state of mind.
Anyway -- I don't remember where I read about CoQ10. But I read about a clinical trial that showed a good percentage of people who took the supplement for four months and reported a 50 percent reduction of headaches. Well -- 50 percent isn't anywhere close to where I'd like to get, but hey, I'll take what I can get.
I bought the stuff and took the first dose before leaving the parking lot of the health food store. I was feeling that familiar queasy, pre-headache pain that has become such a source of dread for me -- always wondering if it' going to stay a headache, or if it's going to segue into the horror of migraine. Anyway, it seemed to help right away. And I began taking it every day. I wasn't sure how much to take at first. I think in the study it said something about people taking between 100 and 300 mg -- or maybe I read that somewhere else. I started with 100, but that didn't seem quite enough, so I upped it to 200 after a few days.
Here's a weird thing -- in the research about using it for migraine, I read that it should be taken as a preventative, but wasn't effective to abort an attack, but one evening I was at work and felt a headache coming on and it was starting to ramp up and I didn't take medicine fast enough and I thought, "here we go." For some reason -- I don't remember really even thinking about why I was doing it -- I took another 100 mg of the CoQ10 -- and the headache faded away!
So -- pretty cool, right? I've used it a few times like that and it seems to work some of the time. BUT -- and of course there's a but -- there are some side effects and I've found I really shouldn't take more than 200 mg per day. Otherwise I get a fairly unpleasant stomach ache and it also aggravates my insomnia. But I feel that, at least for now, it has been helping me keep my medicine use in check. I'd been trying to alternate Exedrin with the Maxalt, but I guess I was using it too much because by the beginning of November it started really ripping up my stomach and I had to cut waaaaay back -- like I didn't take it for more than a month to make sure I gave my stomach lining time to recover. Since then, I've cautiously used it 2-3 times without too much distress, but I'm trying not to use it more than once or twice in any two week period.
So -- I would feel comfortable recommending CoQ10 to any migraine suffer. Possibly people with less medicine sensitivity than I would be able to use it without any side effects at all.
I'll get back to ya on the other stuff I mentioned.
I have other things going on -- other treatments I'm looking into, but I'll try to get to that soon. Hopefully I will have good things to report -- but there are tedious complications to getting cleared through insurance etc. and I don't feel up to delving into all that in my currently scattered state of mind.
Anyway -- I don't remember where I read about CoQ10. But I read about a clinical trial that showed a good percentage of people who took the supplement for four months and reported a 50 percent reduction of headaches. Well -- 50 percent isn't anywhere close to where I'd like to get, but hey, I'll take what I can get.
I bought the stuff and took the first dose before leaving the parking lot of the health food store. I was feeling that familiar queasy, pre-headache pain that has become such a source of dread for me -- always wondering if it' going to stay a headache, or if it's going to segue into the horror of migraine. Anyway, it seemed to help right away. And I began taking it every day. I wasn't sure how much to take at first. I think in the study it said something about people taking between 100 and 300 mg -- or maybe I read that somewhere else. I started with 100, but that didn't seem quite enough, so I upped it to 200 after a few days.
Here's a weird thing -- in the research about using it for migraine, I read that it should be taken as a preventative, but wasn't effective to abort an attack, but one evening I was at work and felt a headache coming on and it was starting to ramp up and I didn't take medicine fast enough and I thought, "here we go." For some reason -- I don't remember really even thinking about why I was doing it -- I took another 100 mg of the CoQ10 -- and the headache faded away!
So -- pretty cool, right? I've used it a few times like that and it seems to work some of the time. BUT -- and of course there's a but -- there are some side effects and I've found I really shouldn't take more than 200 mg per day. Otherwise I get a fairly unpleasant stomach ache and it also aggravates my insomnia. But I feel that, at least for now, it has been helping me keep my medicine use in check. I'd been trying to alternate Exedrin with the Maxalt, but I guess I was using it too much because by the beginning of November it started really ripping up my stomach and I had to cut waaaaay back -- like I didn't take it for more than a month to make sure I gave my stomach lining time to recover. Since then, I've cautiously used it 2-3 times without too much distress, but I'm trying not to use it more than once or twice in any two week period.
So -- I would feel comfortable recommending CoQ10 to any migraine suffer. Possibly people with less medicine sensitivity than I would be able to use it without any side effects at all.
I'll get back to ya on the other stuff I mentioned.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
long time no write
Sorry about that.
Depriving you, all of you, my gazillion followers, of my amazing brilliance and insight.
But enough with the chit-chat.
I wish I could say the reason I haven't written is every thing's been just peachy and the migraines mysteriously went into remission or something like that.
But that isn't the case. A few times, mostly while lying in bed consumed with pain for hours on end, I've had fleeting ideas for posts that would shed light on this horrible affliction. It isn't that I've given up on finding a cure, or at the very least, a way to cope with this and not let it take over everything in my life -- but I've begun to feel that thinking I could somehow write my way out of it was a little naive, or maybe just misguided.
Still, there are many weird little things about living with migraine that seem worth exploring a bit. Like the way that the fear of an attack makes me lose my mind. For instance, even though I don't really believe that chocolate, nuts, pineapple, citrus, balsamic vinegar, or several other food items I can't think of at the moment cause me to have headaches, because I have read that they do for some people, I tend to avoid eating them. Once I threw out the last two pieces of some honey mustard chicken I'd made because I became convinced that the vinegar in the mustard was a trigger. In fact, I haven't made the recipe since, even though I have eaten ketchup and salsa, which probably have as much vinegar as mustard does if not even more.
Maybe that's not really that interesting, but I think it illustrates some kind of magical thinking that begins to creep up around my migraines -- like if I sacrifice chocolate to the migraine gods, they will be appeased and leave me alone. These elaborate rituals of fear spring up around the most everyday activities.
A bright side is that although several things I've tried haven't worked against the migraines, they've been helpful for other things. Like the neti pot, which is a little teapot like thing with which to do saltwater nasal washes. Since I've been using it daily, I haven't had a sinus infection. It's been a couple of years. Once I stopped using it for a couple of weeks and I came down with one. And vitamins -- since I've been taking daily multivitamins, I've hardly gotten sick at all (which is an especially good thing since I use up my sick days on migraines).
But -- I can't say I haven't found some things to help me cope.
The latest thing is Co enzyme Q 10, a kind of freaky supplement that has something to do with mitochondrial DNA (it's something that occurs naturally in cells, and it apparently abates with aging). I read about a study of people taking it daily cutting migraine attacks in half. So I started taking it. It seems to be helping, but I still get clusters of them a day or so before my period and for the first three to five days thereafter and then another little bunch for a week or so around when I'm ovulating. I've read about how those are the two times of the month that the hormone progesterone is at its lowest point. For a while it seemed like using progesterone cream was helping, but then it stopped working. As most things seem to, eventually.
Really, just writing about it is making my head hurt. Okay, I'm in about day three of my cycle, so I'm a little prone that way. But this isn't why I sat down to write. I haven't even gotten to that and I'm already fading out.
I wanted to write about my latest go round with the doctors. I had a kind of unpleasant experience with a doctor who seemed to hate me on first sight. Okay, I admit I had a bad first impression of her as well, but I was willing to give her a chance. She didn't seem interested in hearing what I had to say, and was sarcastic and rude with me. I hate to stop here without telling the whole story, because at the rate I'm going, I won't get back here for another year, but I really don't feel like staring at this screen is doing me much good at all.
So -- I'm going to stop and try -- really try -- revisiting the topic in the next few days. For whatever the hell good it would do. I know it might seem like I'm some kind of pariah here, friendless and bereft -- but I'm really not. I actually have quite a large circle of friends and friendly acquaintances, but I've been reluctant to put it out there and invite them in. Maybe it wouldn't matter. Maybe one or two people would take a gander once or twice and that would be the end of it. But maybe they would judge me, think I'm stupid or melodramatic or self pitying or something. It isn't that I don't tell anyone about them -- I occasionally bore a few of my closest friends and once or twice when I'm particularly distressed I'll spill to someone I really don't know well at all. But it seems like a weakness in a way that somehow this doesn't -- at least, as long as no one I know reads it.
So there you have it. My neurosis all served up on a bed of slaw.
The only other thing is, since I wrote last, I guess in January of last year, I've had four of the worst migraines I've ever had in my life. One in February, that lasted for about 36 hours and involved copious vomiting; another one in the beginning of September that was nearly as long and happened when I was traveling (I was staying at the Crown Plaza Hotel in Alexandria, Va for the worst of it -- by far the nicest place I've ever puked) Then I had TWO like it in October, two weeks apart, then another one that lasted slightly less long Thanksgiving weekend, so instead of making merry and eating too much with friends, I lay in bed, getting up only to vomit or let the cat out.
So that was actually five, I suppose, not four. I guess I could just go back and edit, but that seems like too much bother...
Depriving you, all of you, my gazillion followers, of my amazing brilliance and insight.
But enough with the chit-chat.
I wish I could say the reason I haven't written is every thing's been just peachy and the migraines mysteriously went into remission or something like that.
But that isn't the case. A few times, mostly while lying in bed consumed with pain for hours on end, I've had fleeting ideas for posts that would shed light on this horrible affliction. It isn't that I've given up on finding a cure, or at the very least, a way to cope with this and not let it take over everything in my life -- but I've begun to feel that thinking I could somehow write my way out of it was a little naive, or maybe just misguided.
Still, there are many weird little things about living with migraine that seem worth exploring a bit. Like the way that the fear of an attack makes me lose my mind. For instance, even though I don't really believe that chocolate, nuts, pineapple, citrus, balsamic vinegar, or several other food items I can't think of at the moment cause me to have headaches, because I have read that they do for some people, I tend to avoid eating them. Once I threw out the last two pieces of some honey mustard chicken I'd made because I became convinced that the vinegar in the mustard was a trigger. In fact, I haven't made the recipe since, even though I have eaten ketchup and salsa, which probably have as much vinegar as mustard does if not even more.
Maybe that's not really that interesting, but I think it illustrates some kind of magical thinking that begins to creep up around my migraines -- like if I sacrifice chocolate to the migraine gods, they will be appeased and leave me alone. These elaborate rituals of fear spring up around the most everyday activities.
A bright side is that although several things I've tried haven't worked against the migraines, they've been helpful for other things. Like the neti pot, which is a little teapot like thing with which to do saltwater nasal washes. Since I've been using it daily, I haven't had a sinus infection. It's been a couple of years. Once I stopped using it for a couple of weeks and I came down with one. And vitamins -- since I've been taking daily multivitamins, I've hardly gotten sick at all (which is an especially good thing since I use up my sick days on migraines).
But -- I can't say I haven't found some things to help me cope.
The latest thing is Co enzyme Q 10, a kind of freaky supplement that has something to do with mitochondrial DNA (it's something that occurs naturally in cells, and it apparently abates with aging). I read about a study of people taking it daily cutting migraine attacks in half. So I started taking it. It seems to be helping, but I still get clusters of them a day or so before my period and for the first three to five days thereafter and then another little bunch for a week or so around when I'm ovulating. I've read about how those are the two times of the month that the hormone progesterone is at its lowest point. For a while it seemed like using progesterone cream was helping, but then it stopped working. As most things seem to, eventually.
Really, just writing about it is making my head hurt. Okay, I'm in about day three of my cycle, so I'm a little prone that way. But this isn't why I sat down to write. I haven't even gotten to that and I'm already fading out.
I wanted to write about my latest go round with the doctors. I had a kind of unpleasant experience with a doctor who seemed to hate me on first sight. Okay, I admit I had a bad first impression of her as well, but I was willing to give her a chance. She didn't seem interested in hearing what I had to say, and was sarcastic and rude with me. I hate to stop here without telling the whole story, because at the rate I'm going, I won't get back here for another year, but I really don't feel like staring at this screen is doing me much good at all.
So -- I'm going to stop and try -- really try -- revisiting the topic in the next few days. For whatever the hell good it would do. I know it might seem like I'm some kind of pariah here, friendless and bereft -- but I'm really not. I actually have quite a large circle of friends and friendly acquaintances, but I've been reluctant to put it out there and invite them in. Maybe it wouldn't matter. Maybe one or two people would take a gander once or twice and that would be the end of it. But maybe they would judge me, think I'm stupid or melodramatic or self pitying or something. It isn't that I don't tell anyone about them -- I occasionally bore a few of my closest friends and once or twice when I'm particularly distressed I'll spill to someone I really don't know well at all. But it seems like a weakness in a way that somehow this doesn't -- at least, as long as no one I know reads it.
So there you have it. My neurosis all served up on a bed of slaw.
The only other thing is, since I wrote last, I guess in January of last year, I've had four of the worst migraines I've ever had in my life. One in February, that lasted for about 36 hours and involved copious vomiting; another one in the beginning of September that was nearly as long and happened when I was traveling (I was staying at the Crown Plaza Hotel in Alexandria, Va for the worst of it -- by far the nicest place I've ever puked) Then I had TWO like it in October, two weeks apart, then another one that lasted slightly less long Thanksgiving weekend, so instead of making merry and eating too much with friends, I lay in bed, getting up only to vomit or let the cat out.
So that was actually five, I suppose, not four. I guess I could just go back and edit, but that seems like too much bother...
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
A ray of hope
Sorry, I've been away for a while -- a bit longer than two months, to be precise.
So where were we?
I'd just had a bad headache and as usual, I had put off using medicine I knew would work because I dreaded the side effects so much.
I've been a bit more pragmatic since then. December was not a great month in my head, but I dealt with it more effectively -- I took medicine when I needed to and while I didn't avoid all pain, I didn't spend any days in bed moaning in agony.
I also gave Excedrin Migraine a try. It works, but the side effects, while different than Maxalt, are still unpleasant. For one thing, there's a shit load of caffiene in that stuff. I try not to take it after 4 or 5 p.m., because I can't fall asleep. Also it upsets my tummy and generally makes me feel a little cruddy (I've never dealt well with caffiene -- it's what's kept me from getting addicted to coffee or Coca-cola) But I did use it a few days when I was at work and needed to be alert.
I'd been trying an herb called butterbur, which I thought maybe was helping, but since I still ended up using harsh medicines about nine times, in retrospect, perhaps it wasn't working that well after all.
But toward the end of the month I got an email from someone who claimed to be a doctor and offered to send me a free trial of a medication he had developed. Dr. Steve Roberts is his name. I wasn't sure what to think. I checked out his Web site and did a little searching around on the Internet about him, and there was indeed a Dr. Steve Roberts who appeared to be a reputable migraine expert and this seemed to be one and the same as the one who contacted me. I figured he either found this blog or found me on one of a number of migraine forums where I have posted questions.
I figured chances were slight that he was a psycho out there looking to poison people, and since the ingredient listed in his concotion didn't appear to be anything that could harm me, I thought, 'what have I got to lose?'
So I said, 'Sure. Send me the stuff.'
It's called Banjo. Here's the link with more information:
http://drstevesbanjo.com
When I got it, I was still a bit nervous about it, so it took me a couple of days to start with it, but then by the third day I was feeling a bit headachy, so I jumped in. I did not end up getting having a migraine or even a headache that day.
I had a pretty decent January, all in all. I had two times when I succumbed to Maxalt. Dr. Steve (who has been very accessible and responsive) asked me if I took two of the lozenges when I began to have the headache and I don't believe I did. In any case, going from nine to two in a month is a good sign (although I have had good months before). So, I'm cautiously optimistic.
I am going to keep using Banjo and see what happens. I would really like to have my life back from the migraine monster.
So where were we?
I'd just had a bad headache and as usual, I had put off using medicine I knew would work because I dreaded the side effects so much.
I've been a bit more pragmatic since then. December was not a great month in my head, but I dealt with it more effectively -- I took medicine when I needed to and while I didn't avoid all pain, I didn't spend any days in bed moaning in agony.
I also gave Excedrin Migraine a try. It works, but the side effects, while different than Maxalt, are still unpleasant. For one thing, there's a shit load of caffiene in that stuff. I try not to take it after 4 or 5 p.m., because I can't fall asleep. Also it upsets my tummy and generally makes me feel a little cruddy (I've never dealt well with caffiene -- it's what's kept me from getting addicted to coffee or Coca-cola) But I did use it a few days when I was at work and needed to be alert.
I'd been trying an herb called butterbur, which I thought maybe was helping, but since I still ended up using harsh medicines about nine times, in retrospect, perhaps it wasn't working that well after all.
But toward the end of the month I got an email from someone who claimed to be a doctor and offered to send me a free trial of a medication he had developed. Dr. Steve Roberts is his name. I wasn't sure what to think. I checked out his Web site and did a little searching around on the Internet about him, and there was indeed a Dr. Steve Roberts who appeared to be a reputable migraine expert and this seemed to be one and the same as the one who contacted me. I figured he either found this blog or found me on one of a number of migraine forums where I have posted questions.
I figured chances were slight that he was a psycho out there looking to poison people, and since the ingredient listed in his concotion didn't appear to be anything that could harm me, I thought, 'what have I got to lose?'
So I said, 'Sure. Send me the stuff.'
It's called Banjo. Here's the link with more information:
http://drstevesbanjo.com
When I got it, I was still a bit nervous about it, so it took me a couple of days to start with it, but then by the third day I was feeling a bit headachy, so I jumped in. I did not end up getting having a migraine or even a headache that day.
I had a pretty decent January, all in all. I had two times when I succumbed to Maxalt. Dr. Steve (who has been very accessible and responsive) asked me if I took two of the lozenges when I began to have the headache and I don't believe I did. In any case, going from nine to two in a month is a good sign (although I have had good months before). So, I'm cautiously optimistic.
I am going to keep using Banjo and see what happens. I would really like to have my life back from the migraine monster.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Migraine is the Devil
But then, we already knew that...
Well, I had my second two-day knock-down drag-out headache in two weeks. I took my last sick day last time, so this time I guess I'm out on a "personal day" (this year they took away one sick day and gave us an extra personal day, whatever that is)
This headache was fairly run of the mill, except of course that it's dragged on FOREVER and that gets very old.
But as usual, the worst of it is the fear. Where is this going? Is it going to get worse? Am I going to lose more and more days to this monster?
This time, laying there in pain with nothing much to occupy my mind, I considered writing a sonnet about the monster/devil that is migraine.
I came up with a partial first line, but now I've already forgotten it. Something about a monster that eats days...
Anyway, this one was my fault for experimenting, I suppose.
On Saturday I was getting a headache and I tried hitting it with BC powder, which sometimes works. It seemed to dull it for an hour or so, but then it started coming back. The Maxalt has been hitting me pretty hard, so I thought I'd try half of one to see what happened -- and it worked pretty well. Okay, it was slightly more than a half because I broke it in two when I was standing in a long line at Ross trying not to lose my mind while one lady's transaction seemed to take about 20 minutes or so... but I digress. Anyway, I took the bigger "half" of the broken tablet, and, as I said, it worked pretty well. Headache went away and I was only slightly tired -- not overpoweringly sleepy.
So, on Sunday when my head began to hurt again, I took the other, smaller half. Didn't seem to have any effect at all, so in another couple hours I tried a BC. Which, again, had no impact whatsoever.
So by dark, I was in bed, and the fire had started.
Missing work was more of a problem than usual because this is Thanksgiving week and they always need extra stories to get through the days when people are out. Holidays in the newspaper business are really hardly worth the trouble. All the days off mean is you get to do the same amount of work in less time. I know, poor me. Poooooor, poooooor meeeee.
Anyway -- in denial, I got up and my head seemed slightly better, so I decided the migraine was on its way out. But it was getting late so I called in and said I'd be late -- about an hour. About an hour and a half later, with the head throbbing again, I called back and said, uh, sorry -- I was lying. Head's worse again and I don't know when I'll be in.
Oh -- here's one new thing about this one. When it started being a migraine it was on the left side of my head, but by last night, it had moved over to the right side. I don't recall it ever doing that before. Again with the fear... how much worse is it going to get? What if I can't work? What's going to happen to me?
Well, I had my second two-day knock-down drag-out headache in two weeks. I took my last sick day last time, so this time I guess I'm out on a "personal day" (this year they took away one sick day and gave us an extra personal day, whatever that is)
This headache was fairly run of the mill, except of course that it's dragged on FOREVER and that gets very old.
But as usual, the worst of it is the fear. Where is this going? Is it going to get worse? Am I going to lose more and more days to this monster?
This time, laying there in pain with nothing much to occupy my mind, I considered writing a sonnet about the monster/devil that is migraine.
I came up with a partial first line, but now I've already forgotten it. Something about a monster that eats days...
Anyway, this one was my fault for experimenting, I suppose.
On Saturday I was getting a headache and I tried hitting it with BC powder, which sometimes works. It seemed to dull it for an hour or so, but then it started coming back. The Maxalt has been hitting me pretty hard, so I thought I'd try half of one to see what happened -- and it worked pretty well. Okay, it was slightly more than a half because I broke it in two when I was standing in a long line at Ross trying not to lose my mind while one lady's transaction seemed to take about 20 minutes or so... but I digress. Anyway, I took the bigger "half" of the broken tablet, and, as I said, it worked pretty well. Headache went away and I was only slightly tired -- not overpoweringly sleepy.
So, on Sunday when my head began to hurt again, I took the other, smaller half. Didn't seem to have any effect at all, so in another couple hours I tried a BC. Which, again, had no impact whatsoever.
So by dark, I was in bed, and the fire had started.
Missing work was more of a problem than usual because this is Thanksgiving week and they always need extra stories to get through the days when people are out. Holidays in the newspaper business are really hardly worth the trouble. All the days off mean is you get to do the same amount of work in less time. I know, poor me. Poooooor, poooooor meeeee.
Anyway -- in denial, I got up and my head seemed slightly better, so I decided the migraine was on its way out. But it was getting late so I called in and said I'd be late -- about an hour. About an hour and a half later, with the head throbbing again, I called back and said, uh, sorry -- I was lying. Head's worse again and I don't know when I'll be in.
Oh -- here's one new thing about this one. When it started being a migraine it was on the left side of my head, but by last night, it had moved over to the right side. I don't recall it ever doing that before. Again with the fear... how much worse is it going to get? What if I can't work? What's going to happen to me?
Saturday, October 17, 2009
This migraine is not just doing its job; it hates you and everything you stand for with a fiery passion
Yesterday I had a migraine that I think might have redefined my whole concept of pain. I don't know. Maybe I just haven't had one that bad in a while and I'd forgotten. I think forgetting how bad it can be is a coping strategy.
It started making its presence felt shortly after noon; I dithered a bit on taking prescription meds because I'd taken Relpax the day before. Ever since my rebound nightmare I try, if at all possible, to avoid taking the stuff back to back.
I thought, oh well -- maybe nothing much will come of it.
It was disappointing to think of spending the day in bed because I've been sick most of the week and was finally starting to feel better and wanted to get out and do something.
The migraine hit hard and fast and by 2 p.m. I was unable to do anything but lie as still as possible on my back. The pain was intense. I was painting surrealistic pictures in my mind of people walking around with their heads engulfed in flames -- kind of like human candles.
Fortunately for me, I have the ability to sleep through pain and I dozed most of the afternoon and evening. During my waking moments, I lay there trying to compose some sort of Facebook status update about the attack. This was the best I came up with: "This migraine isn't just doing its job; it hates me and everything I stand for with a fiery passion." I never posted it because it wasn't like I was capable of going online at that point. And afterwards... I don't know. I guess I sort of hate to trivialize the experience that way. Pain is profound, in its way.
Or maybe it just feels that way because it is so... oh, what am I trying to say?
Anyway, as I said, there was something decidedly malevolent about the pain. It's hard for me to describe what it was about this particular migraine that really stood out.
I'm afraid it will come back -- though if it does, I'm planning to hit it with Maxalt (which I've switched to from Relpax -- it's pretty much the same thing, but I think the dissolving tabs probably work faster...) as soon as it starts to rear its ugly head. I'm taking antibiotics and I have this irrational fear that they are causing me to have these headaches... but it also could be because I stopped taking the antidepressant a doctor prescribed for me... there was a whole chapter this past month that by rights I should have recounted here, but lets face it, since I'm pretty sure no one reads this or cares, my motivation is a little less than all that.
I read the literature that came with the antibiotics and headache was not mentioned as a possible side effect, so it seems unlikely...
I had to get up to vomit twice, both times hoping against hope that that would break the pain somewhat. It didn't. But I was able to sleep most of the night. By around 3:30 I woke up and the pain was still there -- but considerably dulled. I was wide awake at that point -- probably because I'd been sleeping most of the time since 2 p.m. the day before -- so I got up and made a cup of sweet chai, figuring I needed to rehydrate. I was up another few hours. If the headache hadn't still been hanging on i just would have gotten up and started doing things -- washing the dishes that have been piling up the past few days I was sick, that sort of thing -- but even though it was at a far more bearable level, I didn't feel like taking the chance of aggravating it until I was sure it was on its way out.
Here's the oddest thing to me about the whole experience. When I was sleeping on this hellish pain, I had kind of a beautiful dream. I dreamt I saw hundreds of white butterflies bursting out of beautiful white cocoons on a curved bough. Then after they flew away, tiny white caterpillars were making their way into new cocoons to start the cycle all over. I don't know what it meant, but it has to be good, right?
A postscript: My head is starting to hurt again, so I decided to Google Azithromycin (the antibiotic I'm taking) and headache -- it seems the literature that came with the prescription is not a complete listing of side effects -- headache IS one of the potential side effects... I'm supposed to take this stuff four more days. Damn.
It started making its presence felt shortly after noon; I dithered a bit on taking prescription meds because I'd taken Relpax the day before. Ever since my rebound nightmare I try, if at all possible, to avoid taking the stuff back to back.
I thought, oh well -- maybe nothing much will come of it.
It was disappointing to think of spending the day in bed because I've been sick most of the week and was finally starting to feel better and wanted to get out and do something.
The migraine hit hard and fast and by 2 p.m. I was unable to do anything but lie as still as possible on my back. The pain was intense. I was painting surrealistic pictures in my mind of people walking around with their heads engulfed in flames -- kind of like human candles.
Fortunately for me, I have the ability to sleep through pain and I dozed most of the afternoon and evening. During my waking moments, I lay there trying to compose some sort of Facebook status update about the attack. This was the best I came up with: "This migraine isn't just doing its job; it hates me and everything I stand for with a fiery passion." I never posted it because it wasn't like I was capable of going online at that point. And afterwards... I don't know. I guess I sort of hate to trivialize the experience that way. Pain is profound, in its way.
Or maybe it just feels that way because it is so... oh, what am I trying to say?
Anyway, as I said, there was something decidedly malevolent about the pain. It's hard for me to describe what it was about this particular migraine that really stood out.
I'm afraid it will come back -- though if it does, I'm planning to hit it with Maxalt (which I've switched to from Relpax -- it's pretty much the same thing, but I think the dissolving tabs probably work faster...) as soon as it starts to rear its ugly head. I'm taking antibiotics and I have this irrational fear that they are causing me to have these headaches... but it also could be because I stopped taking the antidepressant a doctor prescribed for me... there was a whole chapter this past month that by rights I should have recounted here, but lets face it, since I'm pretty sure no one reads this or cares, my motivation is a little less than all that.
I read the literature that came with the antibiotics and headache was not mentioned as a possible side effect, so it seems unlikely...
I had to get up to vomit twice, both times hoping against hope that that would break the pain somewhat. It didn't. But I was able to sleep most of the night. By around 3:30 I woke up and the pain was still there -- but considerably dulled. I was wide awake at that point -- probably because I'd been sleeping most of the time since 2 p.m. the day before -- so I got up and made a cup of sweet chai, figuring I needed to rehydrate. I was up another few hours. If the headache hadn't still been hanging on i just would have gotten up and started doing things -- washing the dishes that have been piling up the past few days I was sick, that sort of thing -- but even though it was at a far more bearable level, I didn't feel like taking the chance of aggravating it until I was sure it was on its way out.
Here's the oddest thing to me about the whole experience. When I was sleeping on this hellish pain, I had kind of a beautiful dream. I dreamt I saw hundreds of white butterflies bursting out of beautiful white cocoons on a curved bough. Then after they flew away, tiny white caterpillars were making their way into new cocoons to start the cycle all over. I don't know what it meant, but it has to be good, right?
A postscript: My head is starting to hurt again, so I decided to Google Azithromycin (the antibiotic I'm taking) and headache -- it seems the literature that came with the prescription is not a complete listing of side effects -- headache IS one of the potential side effects... I'm supposed to take this stuff four more days. Damn.
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