What to do...

Headache today.
Trying not to take Relpax and I might have waited too long for it to be any use anyway.
I had a big day of Getting Things Done planned.
I've been busy with one project and another on the weekends the past few months and my apartment shows it. It's been bugging me, so I made an ambitious to-do list this morning.
I got a few things checked off, and was on my way to drop off recycling and Goodwill donations and pick up cedar sachets so I could put away my winter clothes. But my head was starting to hurt.
As usual, deciding what to do was not easy.
My first impulse was to continue what I had planned, and take Relpax if it seemed like things were getting out of hand. After all, I had some good Getting Things Done momentum going on.
But then I thought maybe I should go pick up the cedar sachets on my bike. Exercise sometimes helps and even if it doesn't, it's always good to get in a work out... right?
So I went and it was good to be on my bike, even though the pain didn't abate much if at all.
On my way home, the dilemma intensified.
I knew if I was going to take it, I would have to take it soon.
But sometimes the exercise cure takes a little time to work.
So I got home and poured a glass of water and sat on the back steps pondering the question.
Maybe it doesn't seem like much of a dilemma to anyone else, but I really don't like taking Relpax, (except for the getting rid of the headache part) because of the side effects; I don't think I should take Relpax, because the side effects make me worry that it's doing something bad to me in the long term; and then of course there is the issue of rebound headaches, which makes me avoid taking it if I possibly can.
So here I am. My head hurts and I was planning to go to a party tonight.
Bummer.
On the bright side, there's a very pleasant breeze blowing in my window for mid-June in Southeast Texas...
If I thought anyone was reading this, I'd ask you to send me healing energy or pray for me or whatever sort of positive thinking you prefer.
I'll take whatever goodness the universe has to offer.

Fuck this

I'm angry.

I know it's useless to scream and yell and wave my arms, but it feels so unfair.

I eat right; exercise; go to bed early; I don't smoke or drink, and my caffiene intake is limited to a couple of cups of green tea per day -- and if I'm getting really crazy, a cup of black tea. I've cut my chocolate consumption down to almost nothing and I avoid all artificial flavor and colorings in my diet.

I've tried so many things over the past four years.

But I still have these miserable, wretched headaches.

I feel like I drew the short straw when they were handing out heads.

I feel like I'm being punished for surviving past child bearing age. If I'd lived in another era, maybe I'd have died in childbirth long before I got to this point.

I'm trying hard not to whine and wallow in self pity, but these headaches are getting me down. They affect my job, my social life, my sense of well-being.
"This too shall pass," I mutter through gritted teeth.

But even after it passes, I worry about when the next one will hit.

Well, life is unfair. I knew that.

I'm just not coping with it very well today.

I took Relpax yesterday for a headache -- it worked, but it makes me so tired and spacy and kind of achy, as well.

This morning, before I even got out of bed I felt an ominous twinge.

By the time Obama had begun his inaugural speech, I was sitting with my head in my hands, pressing into the hollows above my eyes. So much for stirring historic moments.

I'm not sure I'm going to be able to complete my work without taking Relpax, but I'm afraid I'm just setting off a chain reaction of rebound headaches by taking it two days in a row.

I just don't think I should take it today.